"Like a Fat Adult Loves Cake"

This started as a quick observation and morphed into what I think would be a badass monologue.


I just saw someone use that expression that they love someone "like a fat kid loves cake," and it got me thinking... Ya know what's a really interesting, complex relationship? Loving someone like a "fat adult loves cake." Because a fat adult loves the immediate gratification of cake... but deep down, he hates cake. He hates what cake does to him. Cake makes him hate himself. After he eats cake, he looks in the mirror and doesn't recognize himself anymore. He's hidden behind a mask of fat cake on his face. Tears stream down his chubby cheeks. "Why am I doing this to myself?" he says.

Cake (literally) amplifies the worst parts of himself. Cake brings out the worst in him. Cake reminds him of everything he is and isn't. Cake stops him from being the person he could be... who he wants to be... because nobody wants to be fat. Nobody wants to be known as the guy who loves cake.

"Just wanna introduce you to the people around the office. See Jerry over there?"
"The fat guy?"
"Yeah."
"What about him?"
"He's in accounting. He LOVES cake.
"Oh..."
"Over there's Mike. He's in sales. Cool guy."

A fat kid who loves cake is innocent. It's sweet. It's pure. He doesn't know what he's doing to himself, but he has all the time in the world to stop loving cake. A fat adult who loves cake knows he's slowly killing himself.

He knows that cake doesn't love him back.

In spite of knowing all this... he'd rather eat cake.

He tries to find something else... something that'll give him the immediate gratification associated with cake, but he always comes back to cake because all the good, healthy foods aren't quite as good as cake.. Nothing makes him feel like cake does. And his friends are like, "What about celery? Celery's cool." And he's like, "Ughhh.... Can we dip the celery in cake?"


I posit that a healthy adult relationship simile is: "I love you like a regular person loves pizza."

Chairs

I had to go into the office yesterday, and there was all sorts of chaos because the inside was being re-painted, and the carpet was being replaced... which meant that all these refugee chairs were all over the building. We already seem to have a surplus of chairs what with a lot of the staff working from home, but it just all seemed especially ridiculous. Hence this project.

#SitOnSomethingOld

Throwback Thursday Post: That Time I Was a Silent Film Vampire (9/18/2013)

So, I also wanted to post some of my projects that just weren't very good. This one wasn't very good. I rushed this one. It was a fun idea, and I may revisit it again if only for that lowercase "t" gag.

Also, look ma, I've lost weight!

Jack Tries to Date Dora's Mother

This is the last episode of the Jack Meets Children's Characters trilogy. After meeting Star from The Goodnight Show and the Blue Wiggle while trying to take Nina and Emma Wiggle on dates, we've come to that time I tried to take out Mami, the mother of Dora the Explorer. (In my world, Mami and Papi divorced.)

Quick thoughts, 1. I kinda let work seep into this one. 2. Swiper is a fox. I thought he was a raccoon because raccoons wear masks... I feel dumb. I already recorded the dialogue, and I didn't want to go back and redo it. 3. I took German in middle school, high school, and college, so there isn't much Dora-Spanish... and the Dora-Spanish I have is all from google. Apologies if I screwed that up.

Otherwise... yall... the first minute might be the funniest/dumbest thing I've ever done.

Throwback Thursday Post: The Last Hairless Dragon (2014)

Alright, I've been distracted lately, but new stuff is coming. New stuff including what will be a sequel to one of my favorite things: The Last Hairless Dragon.

Well, of course I made a video. I call it "The Last Hairless Dragon."
Posted by Jack Batongbakal on Saturday, November 15, 2014

America!

1. Five Below has a desktop drum set for $5. (That place is rad.)2. This is my first drum cover!
Posted by Jack Batongbakal on Thursday, November 27, 2014

Throwback Thursday Post: Terrible Song from My Youth - "Blue"

(Originally posted on 4/10/2011.) One of the columns or articles I wrote about when me and Lauren had a blog was the "Terrible Song from My Youth." I really liked writing those, but I ran out of comically terrible songs pretty quickly. I also got bored just writing about them, so I decided to do a video review... and that's why we have this... This was dumb and prolly a minute or two too-long... and my German sucks now... but it was fun. The sequence from 3:52 to 4:10 may be my favorite thing I've ever done in a stupid video. That's movie magic right there.